Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
