I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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