Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
