i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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