barbara walters just said penis...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize