they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
