i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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