For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
