I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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