Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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