I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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