guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
