You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
