I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
