why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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