I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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