Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.