I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.