I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
