ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy