The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
