Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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