you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dating After Heartbreak
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.