Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried