im drinking this country out of the recession.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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