I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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