kristin has been a bad kristin
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
