ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
