was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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