'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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