Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
