I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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