My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
