My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
