I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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