someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
