Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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