This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The ass gains better be worth it
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