and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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