It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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