She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
