after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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