also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
