what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
