Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
