so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Did I show you my penis last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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