I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
