i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
