Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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