i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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