so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
