Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
