I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
