woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
