I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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