ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
