Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
