If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
