we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im part way to drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
