I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize