The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
