but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
