so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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