I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
