if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
