Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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