I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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