someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
