champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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