...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
