either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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