I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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