ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
