Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
