She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
