What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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