so explain again why im purple
no
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
