$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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