Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
