i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
