I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I fill condoms, not promises.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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