so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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