You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
