Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
