Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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