Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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