i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
