Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
