They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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