Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
