hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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